kali

I’ve been m.i.a. for quite some time. I lost almost 70 lbs. last year, and in the past couple months, I’ve gained about 12 back. Not terrible, but not ideal… and I need to get back in the game.

I have no motivation to go gung-ho into 1200 calories a day with tons of exercising, so I’m trying to just cut way back: no more eating excessively just for fun, limiting snacking, holding off eating longer, drinking more water, eating more fiber, eating less at night. It’s only been a couple of days, but I’ve seen the scale start to creep down.

Tonight, my friends and I are probably going to book a cruise. We’re 90% sure, one friend just has to make sure she can get the time off from work. The dilemma is that the cruise is in a few weeks. And while it’s a really good deal, and I’m excited that I’ll be going so soon, I can’t help but be upset and frustrated at myself that I haven’t been on track this whole time, weight-loss wise. I was hoping to be wearing bikinis by this summer. I was hoping to have a hot bod. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so thankful I’m not at my highest weight, but I am really disappointed that I am just idling at this weight. I still feel self-conscious, I still have rolls in my belly, I’m still a bigger girl. I almost wish the cruise was 3 or 4 months away to give me some motivation to get going.

Eh.

I’m pretty proud to say that I lost 67 lbs in 2008! I went from 248 to 181. I’m still a ways away from where I want to be, but I feel so much better about myself… not self-conscious all the time, and I have an easier time finding clothes that fit!

For the past month and a half, I’ve been off my diet. I just got fed up with dieting and took some time off. I ate whatever I wanted, however much I wanted, and miraculously, in the whole month and a half, I only gained about 5 lbs. When I hit that 5 lb. mark, 186, which happened to be this week, I decided that I couldn’t let it get out of control and erase all my hard-earned and long-earned progress.  I guess for me, 5 lbs is the amount of flex weight that I allow myself. I’ve been really successful at losing weight in the past, but I always eventually gained it back. I think if I decide that 5 lbs is the cutoff amount of weight I can gain before getting back on track, it’s ensuring that I won’t go back to being super heavy. Now, I’m back on track and determined!
I’ve found that my weight loss is mostly due to my state of mind. Once I decide in my head that I am limiting my intake (no longer pigging out on anything and everything)… I am able to control it. Also, when I get really hungry between meals, I MAKE myself drink a glass of water, and then a piece of fruit, and then a glass of water, and then a piece of fruit, and then if I’m still hungry, I have a more hearty snack. I know it sounds like a really cliche thing to do, but it works. Also, I think all the drinking and eating low cal foods distracts my mind from wanting junk food to pig out on.

 Last June, when I turned 23, I set a goal for myself that by my 24th birthday, I would be at a weight that I am happy with. It saddens me that I have wasted so much time being a fat person. On the other hand, I am only 23, and if I can change it now, I will hopefully have many, many, more years as a thin, fit person.

I also love getting new BuddySlim buddies