kali

I’ve been m.i.a. for quite some time. I lost almost 70 lbs. last year, and in the past couple months, I’ve gained about 12 back. Not terrible, but not ideal… and I need to get back in the game.

I have no motivation to go gung-ho into 1200 calories a day with tons of exercising, so I’m trying to just cut way back: no more eating excessively just for fun, limiting snacking, holding off eating longer, drinking more water, eating more fiber, eating less at night. It’s only been a couple of days, but I’ve seen the scale start to creep down.

Tonight, my friends and I are probably going to book a cruise. We’re 90% sure, one friend just has to make sure she can get the time off from work. The dilemma is that the cruise is in a few weeks. And while it’s a really good deal, and I’m excited that I’ll be going so soon, I can’t help but be upset and frustrated at myself that I haven’t been on track this whole time, weight-loss wise. I was hoping to be wearing bikinis by this summer. I was hoping to have a hot bod. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so thankful I’m not at my highest weight, but I am really disappointed that I am just idling at this weight. I still feel self-conscious, I still have rolls in my belly, I’m still a bigger girl. I almost wish the cruise was 3 or 4 months away to give me some motivation to get going.

Eh.

My brother has a Wii. I’m thinking of buying Wii Fit, but I’m not sure if I’m just so tempted by it’s popularity. Does anyone have it, or have you used it? Is it good? Or should I just get a $10 dvd and call it a day. Help!

I’m pretty proud to say that I lost 67 lbs in 2008! I went from 248 to 181. I’m still a ways away from where I want to be, but I feel so much better about myself… not self-conscious all the time, and I have an easier time finding clothes that fit!

For the past month and a half, I’ve been off my diet. I just got fed up with dieting and took some time off. I ate whatever I wanted, however much I wanted, and miraculously, in the whole month and a half, I only gained about 5 lbs. When I hit that 5 lb. mark, 186, which happened to be this week, I decided that I couldn’t let it get out of control and erase all my hard-earned and long-earned progress.  I guess for me, 5 lbs is the amount of flex weight that I allow myself. I’ve been really successful at losing weight in the past, but I always eventually gained it back. I think if I decide that 5 lbs is the cutoff amount of weight I can gain before getting back on track, it’s ensuring that I won’t go back to being super heavy. Now, I’m back on track and determined!
I’ve found that my weight loss is mostly due to my state of mind. Once I decide in my head that I am limiting my intake (no longer pigging out on anything and everything)… I am able to control it. Also, when I get really hungry between meals, I MAKE myself drink a glass of water, and then a piece of fruit, and then a glass of water, and then a piece of fruit, and then if I’m still hungry, I have a more hearty snack. I know it sounds like a really cliche thing to do, but it works. Also, I think all the drinking and eating low cal foods distracts my mind from wanting junk food to pig out on.

 Last June, when I turned 23, I set a goal for myself that by my 24th birthday, I would be at a weight that I am happy with. It saddens me that I have wasted so much time being a fat person. On the other hand, I am only 23, and if I can change it now, I will hopefully have many, many, more years as a thin, fit person.

I also love getting new BuddySlim buddies

For the past month, I have been eating and drinking whatever I want. I have not been exercising. I’m back to my old ways that over time, brough me to 248 lbs. Luckily, I’ve only gained 3 lbs back, but I know eventually I will start gaining rapidly. I need to get remotivated.

Someone close to me died a month ago, and I assume that’s why I’ve been constantly wanting to eat, and having no determination to stop. I also know that I’m in control, and I can’t use the death of someone else as an excuse.

I achieved my mini goal of 200 lbs!! I’m actually 199.5 but BuddSlim doesn’t do half pounds. That’s a total of 48 lb weight loss and I achieved it this week! I can’t even explain how great it is to see the number on the scale beginning with a 1 instead of a 2!

I have been doing so well!!

Last week, I started a new, full-time  job, and school started again so I have 2 full time commitments. I am so busy, I don’t even have time to think about snacking. I have been packing my slim-fast shakes and bars and fruit and I it is totally satisfying to me. Ordinarily I would buy tons of fast food in between work and class, but no more!! I’ve also been drinking TONS of water because I’m very active in my new job and it’s very hot. Today, I drank 100 oz. of water before 2 pm. (I probably sweated out half of that!!)

 I have to remember how good this feels and how easy it can be. If I just keep doing this for a few more months, I will be thinner than I have ever been in my entire life, since I was 13. I can’t wait!!!!!

I’m going to Red Robin for dinner tonight. Yum! Since I know this ahead of time, I decided to check out the nutritional information on the website to get an idea of what some good choices would be.

The website has a very cool feature called the Meal Nutrition Customizer! You choose an item off of the menu and customize it by adding or removing ingredients and/or adding a side dish. It gives you nutritional information for the regular dish as it is usually served, and also gives you the nutritional info for your modifications. For example, the blackened chicken burger is about 800 calories. But when I remove the cheese and mayo, it goes down to 470 calories. Pretty cool huh?

It’s disgusting how many calories are in some of these burgers. The famous Whiskey River BBQ Burger is 1129 calories… that’s without the “bottomless” basket of fries that in comes in.

I suppose that’s where portion control plays a big role. If the idea of ordering a plain chicken sandwich depresses you, just remember that you can get the regular 800 calorie one with the works, but eat half.

*****EDIT: I ordered the Teriyaki Chicken Burger with just the chicken, teriyaki sauce, tomato and lettuce, and it was delicious! The chicken was juicy and the sauce was tasty so I didn’t miss the mayo or cheese. It’s much better than your typical plain grilled chicken sandwich. Only 425 calories, the way I ordered it. I recommend. *******

I am extremely unmotivated to exercise. This excerpt from www.intuitiveeating.com gave me a new perspective. Especially the last sentence… story of my life.

9. Exercise–Feel the Difference Forget militant exercise. Just get active and feel the difference. Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie burning effect of exercise. If you focus on how you feel from working out, such as energized, it can make the difference between rolling out of bed for a brisk morning walk or hitting the snooze alarm. If when you wake up, your only goal is to lose weight, it’s usually not a motivating factor in that moment of time.

I’ve been very hungry lately. I’ve been craving bad foods and wanting to pig out on anything. But I haven’t.

Today, my 13 yr old brother asked me to get McDonald’s for him and his 2 friends. The order was: 3 double cheeseburgers, 1 cheeseburger, 2 large fries, 1 small fry, and a vanilla milkshake. My mouth was watering as I read the list.

Driving the 3 minutes down the road to our McDonald’s, I was angry that I couldn’t eat it. I wanted it. I contemplated getting whatever I wanted and pigging out on it, just to get it out of my system. Then I reminded myself that it would be even harder tomorrow if I pigged out today. I thought about getting a salad with grilled chicken. But I only like the ranch dressing, and if I’m going to spend the calories, I want to get something hearty.

Then I remembered a Dunkin Donuts commercial I saw for Egg Whites Flat Bread Sandwiches!! There’s a DD on the same street as the McD! But I just saw the commercial yesterday, will they have them in stock yet?

They do! I got the turkey sausage one (as opposed to the vegetable one). It has turkey sausage and spinach cooked right in with the egg whites. It also comes with reduced fat mottzarella cheese on a multigrain bread.

It’s pretty good. It’s no fast food. I will never crave it as much as a burger and fries, but it filled me up and was kinda tasty. And best of all, I didn’t exactly feel like I was missing out on getting fast food today.

PS: I snuck a fry out of one of the large fries that I got for my brother’s friend. It wasn’t even that good.

I read this in one of the forums: “A single 24-hour period of inactivity can lead to a 25-percent increase in the amount of fat tissue and a 19-percent increase in the size of fat cells, according to University of Missouri-Columbia researchers who studied the effects of daily exercise and inactivity.”

Wow. I find this very interesting and motivating. Sometimes I get frustrated about exercise because I feel like I work so hard and I should be burning hundreds of calories, a thousand even! But I know that aside from simply burning calories, building muscle increases metabolism. And now, after reading that quote, (if it’s even true… which, if it’s not, who cares? It’s still motivation, right?) I’m even more excited to get working out. I just hope it’s not toooooo tooo hot tomorrow